Friday, May 24, 2013
I now have a 1 week old little girl. She is beautiful, and perfect, and sweet, and I could not be more thrilled to have the opportunity and honor to raise her. As she is my 5th child, and my last, I am savoring every precious moment. She is already growing, and I don't want to miss or take for granted one moment. She brought me to tears as I talked with her in the quiet of our home. My other children were in bed, and Kelcey was not home yet. She focused directly on me, not the typical restlessness of a newborn, but as if she were intently listening to my every word. I felt the spirit warm my heart as I could feel her love radiate into my spirit. There was gratitude, and unconditional love in that precious moment. So profound was my experience, I couldn't help but shed tears because of the joy, peace, and comfort that swelled my heart. Upon reflection I am reminded of how beautiful that moment was. It happened again as I was watching the funeral services of our prophet President Thomas S. Monson's wife yesterday. One of his great grandchildren sang "My Heavenly Father Loves Me." My precious little girl was rooting and trying to eat her hands prior to the song. As soon as the song began, she went completely still, turned her head towards the music, and listened. Again the spirit filled my heart. My baby girl is remarkable, sent here to teach me a great deal. One being to savor every moment, take time to listen, and love unconditionally. She is only one week and I feel her influence. I wish I had more moments like that. I wish they lasted longer, or that the distractions of life would come less often. The call of the "world" is enticing. Always beckoning me about what I "need" what I "deserve" what I should "want." It plays a toll on my heart much to often. The negative voices in my head get louder and drown out the spirit, and take away my focus. I can feel myself being pulled towards things that aren't important. And I become extremely hard on myself trying to live up to impossible expectations. I quote an article from LDS.org "Sweet serenity is found in fervent prayer. Then, we forget ourselves and remember the reaching hands of the Savior, who said, “Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.” (Matt. 11:28.) As our burdens are shared with Him, they do become lighter. Feelings of worth come when a woman follows the example of the Master. Her sense of infinite worth comes from her own Christlike yearning to reach out with love, as He does." http://www.lds.org/general-conference/1989/10/woman-of-infinite-worth?lang=eng It is the perfect answer isn't it?? We all labour and are heavy laden. No matter what the issue, BIG or small, our Savior can give us rest. I would like to rest from my burdens. I would like to stop worrying. I don't mean to say to stop trying, but to put my efforts towards things that are of more infinite worth. I think the more I focus on the Savior, the less I will worry, and the more naturally things will come to me, or perhaps more inspiration on how to make things better will come to me. My focus just needs to change. Then perhaps I will become more like my sweet baby girl, and have influence the way she has already influenced me.
Wednesday, May 15, 2013
I'm doing this for me this time around. I feel that I've gone through several transformations. I've stretched, grown, and gotten really uncomfortable. Most of it has been because I've had to. I've let go of a lot of things that fill my life with "stuff" and it's "stuff" I really don't need. I've left the Facebook world, cut off Instagram, in fact Pinterest may be on it's way out as well. I am refocusing my life on things that matter. I want to blog because I love to write and I need a format that will allow me to get my thoughts out uncensored. Maybe it will touch you, make you angry, cry, laugh, whatever...but I want my voice out there. Some days I feel I've got it, and other days not so much, but either way you'll probably hear about it. So a new chapter is ready to commence...stay tuned.