Thursday, April 23, 2009


I'm a literally losing it! I'm to the point where I just want to stand here and scream at the top of my lungs for 10 minutes straight, then maybe I'll feel better. 3 is the new HELL!!!! I have a little girl that finds it absolutely necessary to whine from the moment she is awake to the moment she goes to bed. Everything that comes out of her mouth is WHIIIIIINNNNE! about something.

I'm in the car taking Tanner to school and she spots her necklace. Suddenly it must be hers at that moment and if she doesn't get it she will DIE!!!!

Keira- "I want it. I want it. I want it!"
Mom- "I'm driving Keira, I can't get it right now."
Mom- "If you don't knock it off, you will be going to your room when we get home"
Mom- "I will get it for you when we get home!"
Keira- "NO!!!!!!! I WANT MY NECKLACE!"

We arrive home. Little girl gets out of the car with no interest whatsoever in her necklace that was the source of her death 3 seconds earlier!

I'm am going out of my mind. This goes on all day! Tina, how the heck do you deal with 4 girls in your home? You should receive the medal of honor!

I've decided I am not cut out for this. My fuse is way too short, and I end up throwing an adult tantrum, it doesn't solve anything, but I really don't know what else to do.

It doesn't end there though, my house looks like it threw up! There are toys and shoes and clothes scattered about the floor, IN EVERY ROOM I might add. My laundry is folded but no where near close to being put away. Where did all these clothes come from? I mean, drawers are full and I have piles of clean clothes. Are they breading?

It's baseball season so the hubs is not around to pick up the slack, and I can't get control of myself or my kids. "Clean your room," I ask. "It's too hard, I can't do it by myself," their inevitable reply. "Do it anyway!" "NOOOO!!!! WHINE WHINE WHINE WHINE WHINE WHINE!" Can someone please tell me when the whining ends. There is nothing that gets under my skin faster than that. And how on earth do I get everything done? I am so overwhelmed I just want to sit down and sob.

There are about a million things I NEED to do, that are soooooo important (I'm dripping with sarcasm here).

>Keep the house clean
>Eat healthy, oh but also make sure your kids eat healthy too, but could you make it taste unhealthy so they will eat it, but make sure it has all vitamins, minerals, vegetables, fruits, and calcium so they can have strong bones, and teeth, and bodies.
>Don't forget to floss:)
>Exercise most days of the week, and make sure kids exercise too, make sure they don't watch too much TV, read to them, and play with them, and build their self-esteem, make sure you don't yell because that's bad, but discipline and follow through, and put them on the naughty chair, but make sure they sit there, and if they don't, keep putting them on the naughty chair until they do.
>Get organized
>Save enough money to survive on for 6 months
>Start a business because that's the only way you'll ever make REAL money!
>Don't go on vacation unless you can afford it, and not until you have 6 months of income saved!
>Get food storage
>Have family home evening
>Read scriptures together
>Pray together
>Magnify your 20 callings
>Go to the temple
>Be involved and participate in church activities
>Visiting teaching
>Get up with the children at night and be happy about it
>Sex (need I say more?)
>You're not too busy, could you do me a favor? After all you're only a stay-at-home mom
>Let's do such and such activity this day because it would be better for me!!! BECAUSE MY SCHEDULE DOESN'T MATTER!


I am human and I am tired, and I just.... I just..... I just.....Can someone just say it's okay.That everything will be okay, that I will be okay, that motherhood becomes sweet at some point? I don't love this. It's really hard to enjoy the sweet moments when they are masked by the insane ones. I want to feel normal. I want to get in the car and go without shuffling kids in and out. I want to come home and the house is clean, and the kids are in bed, and I can just be in the moment and feel completely content and satisfied.......

Tuesday, April 14, 2009


Have you ever had a moment in your life where you were so grateful for everything you have you weren't sure how to express it. I think of all the things I have, or have been given, or all the times friends or family have done something wonderful for me, or a time where someone has said something that came at the perfect time, or a song in primary that made my spirit sing, or a hug from my kids, or a giggle from my Kody, or a kiss from my husband, or the peace I feel in the temple, or an answer to prayer. I cannot express how grateful I am for everything.

Heavenly Father has been so very present in my life lately. There is nothing really significant that has happened to bring about my thoughts today, but I think that's where the tiny miracles come in. I go through life sometimes on auto pilot. I have so many goals, and so many things I want to accomplish, I have a tendency to forget where blessings come from. I have such an admiration for the family, and friends I have.

My parents have taught me the power of DREAMING. Without a dream you don't have a road to travel, or a goal to go after, and there is no dream that is too big, or too small. It is your dream go for it, it may just become a reality.

Robyn, I love reading your blogs. They are an inspiration, they make motherhood very real, and very comical, something we all need if we are going to get through this raising children business. I love your fitness tips and I'm so glad we share an eternal struggle with sugar. It's nice to know I'm not alone.

Jim, I don't know why I don't talk to you more often. You have inspired me to push through the set backs and to go after what I want. You are one of the most giving and thoughtful people I know. I know I can come to you for anything and you would do it, no questions asked.

Kelly, how you do the things you do is absolutely amazing. If you haven't read Kelly's blog I suggest you take a look. It's quite fascinating, funny, and adventurous. You were ment to be a cop I just know it, and possibly a writer, with a book entitled "The Day and the Life of Your Not So Average Cop."

To everyone I love. Thank you for being in my life! For making it worth living, and for being my inspiration. I want to tell all of you individually how great you are, it would take a while. I am so grateful for the gospel, and for this life. I am so grateful that Heavenly Father has a sense of humor, and that He knows us individually. Life is definitely ment to be enjoyed, not just endured. Was that President Hinckley who said that? I don't know. Here's to the good life:)