Wednesday, May 27, 2009


I love my kids, I really do. I'm so lucky to be a mother, I know I should count my blessings. In the grand design of life did we REALLY know what we were getting ourselves into? When God told Adam and Eve, multiply and replenish the earth, do you think Eve knew what that would mean?! Being a mother has got to be the hardest job in the history of the universe!!!

Let's take pregnancy for example. The moment of conception is so exciting especially for the new mother. The dreams of sweet sleeping babies, and cuddling, and those cute little outfits, and wondering what it will feel like to have something moving around inside you. Then suddenly you find yourself rushing to the bathroom sprawled out on the floor wondering when this alien sickness will finally STOP!!! Screaming PLEASE, PLEASE, NOT AGAIN, I CAN'T PUKE AGAIN!!! It's about the 5th or 6th month where you feel somewhat normal, other than the small bulge that is beginning to form, at least now you can feel movement. But you suddenly have to deal with strangers continually groping your belly as if it became public property. Then comes the 7th month, where your feet are swelling, and it is becoming harder and harder to sleep at night, and the baby has now become a professional WWF wrestler, finding a perfectly comfortable postion directly under your ribs, or nestled deeply into your, oh-so-comfortable, pelvic bone. The feeling of euphoria is suddenly becoming a lot more dim with each passing day. However, your optimism for motherhood has not diminished quite yet. It will be so wonderful holding such a quiet, sweet smelling, lovable sleeping child in your arms. It won't be long now so you begin the count down. But as you count down it seems that the due date gets further and further away. And nights get longer and longer, and you swear an oath that if this baby does not get out of you soon, you will reach up there yourself and pull it out with your bare hands!!!! Everyone tells you that the birth is magical and wonderful until you feel the seering pain of your first contraction, screaming "What the HELL is this!!!!" You know if you have another one you will surely die, and yet you somehow survive each one, but the pain is beyond excruciating, and they hurt just as bad going up as they do going down. And seriously where is the guy with the drugs?! Give me the DRUGS NOW!!! Once the anesthesiologist finally arrives and the numbness finally kicks in you feel like you can perhaps enjoy the moment. Until you are ready to push. PUSH!!!! They scream. So you bare down and push, and your head literally feels like it will pop off as it turns a bright cherry red. PUSH!!!! They scream, and you push again, and again, and again, and again, and again. Where is the baby, and why is it taking so long? Then finally, this small, slimy, white coated, baby is here, and you begin to feel that bit of magic that everyone talked about. You are exhausted, but that sweet little thing looks up at you, and you know they know exactly who you are. And a love unlike anything you have ever felt surrounds you like a warm blanket. This sweet, innocent child that you and your husband created is finally safe and in your arms. Even with all that you endured for 9 months, it all seems so worth it. Life is wonderful! Until you get home...

This is the real test. They don't come with manuals, and if you nurse, you become a cow, and your once, tone tummy, is now covered in stretch marks, and will never be the same, but it's okay you move forward like a brave soldier, and read every book you can on "HOW TO GET YOUR BABY TO SLEEP THROUGH THE NIGHT!" I know they said they wake up through the night but you never imagined it would be like this! And all the while your loving husband, with whom you created this little non-sleeping monster (whatever happened to your dream of the sweet sleeping child) sleeps right through the crying, and diaper changing, and crying, and diaper changing, waking up like a fresh daisy, while you, yes the alien, with bags under your eyes, and Madoosa hair, and sweat pants because nothing else will fit, are barely able to function any longer because you had NO IDEA you would ever be this tired! Can a human being survive on such little sleep, but somehow you pull through, despite the zombie-like state you're in.

If you manage to make it through the infant stage still euphoric I congratulate you on your immaculate abilities because every mother who ever lived is either envious of you, or hates you with everything that she can muster:)

Now we reach the wonderful 2-3 year old stage. This is a magical time where you discover that reasoning skills are something that develop much later in life, if ever, I'm not sure they actually develop at all. I could be wrong here, but someone with teenagers will have to solve this mystery for us. If you were blessed with a boy you know that WWF wrestler that was comfortably nestled in your uterus was this charming little boy who has defined TROUBLE as his middle name. He decides that wandering off is perfectly okay, while mom and dad frantically look for him up and down streets. For Mom the tears are flowing and Dad is running from house to house, while the little trouble-maker without a care in the world toddles out of a neighbors back yard like all is well. Mom grabs him and sobs into his shoulder soooo grateful that he is okay. To only find herself yelling at him a few minutes later for picking the flowers out of the flower bed.

If you had a girl there is a whole new set of situations you never would have thought you had to prepare for. The clothes have to be skirts, the hair must be done in the way which has been instructed, with the exact comb indicated in section 3 of "How to Avoid a Major Tantrum With a 3-year-old Little Girl," and don't even think about picking out the wrong shoes! You ask yourself was I like this to my mother? Of course not, I know I was a perfect angel:) There's no way I did this!!! There is a whole new level of tantrum with little girls that could only have been written about in novels, there is no way they could be real, until you experience it first hand. Those cute little outfits you dress her in are only a cover of what can come from these mischevious monsters. Yes, yes they are sweet, but that's how they reel you in.

And then if you're lucky you have a child that just takes it in. He loves everyone, and everything, at all times. He's the reason you keep your sanity when you feel you might lose it. You see God sends us these angels at random times. And sometimes they are disguised as friends to your monsters, or they may be your actual child either way it's because He knows we have to have some kind of break or the world will crash down around us.

Yes I am a Mother, and I am grateful for it, but I have to be honest, I had no idea what I was getting myself into. Had I known I may not have taken on the challenge. How grateful I am I didn't know! It doesn't matter how many sleepless nights, or how many stretch marks I have on my body, or how many tantrums I face in a day, I love my job, even when I hate my job. Yes, Mothers it is tough, but that's why God had women do it. So even on those hard days when you want to pack it in remember why you did it in the first place, and be grateful YOUR Mother did it for you!


  1. I'm a new mom and so I enjoyed the pregnancy and infant stage you wrote about. It's something every women with children can relate with. It's so hard, but yet we get through it somehow. :) This post was very well put. What a hard job, but the rewards are amazing! I know what you mean about if we knew, would we have signed up? I have to say if there wasn't a thing as an epidural, I don't know if I could do it again! okay, okay... maybe I could. :)

  2. I love the new blog name. It's much more fitting. :)

  3. i so needed to read your blog tonight. thanks for making this seem all so comical.

  4. That. was. hilarious. Seriously! I was laughing so hard reading it, because that is my life right now! Only maybe I need to have that third child to experience the angel...cuz my kids aren't so angelic at the moment! You're so funny!

  5. You are a crack up! I did not know that Tanner wandered off in your neighborhood! SCARY! And I can't believe that picture of a little girl in a bathing suit was Keira. It didn't look like her! And, you are lucky to have an angel for your third! My third? Not so angelic! Funny, funny, Lyen!

  6. Yep!!!!! I have to say that even though I am alone with my 3 girls for 2-3 hours twice a week it feels like eternity! It is super hard! If it wasn't for those "Golden Moments" that make you grin no one would have Children. ; )I am very grateful for the Mother of my children that is for sure!

    Jim Z

  7. It's the bitter moments that make the sweet ones so exquisite. Wouldn't trade my job for anything in the world.
    Oh, and thanks for reminding me why I want to adopt.

  8. Aaaamen!!! That was so damned funny, and it was all true.
    I didn't even bother with labor the second time round. It just sucked way too bad.
    I also found it highly suspicous, the way my husband could sleep so soundly through all the noise and commotion of a new baby. But you know what I found out that fixed that? Turns out he can't sleep through a swift kick to the ribs! Ha!
    Don't give me any of that "I've got work in the morning" crap neither. This kid is W-O-R-K and I've got that in the morning too.
    So, wakey wakey sunshine (thud). Your turn! :) Seriously, don't make me take aim somewhere else.

  9. now that was awesome to read. I am so with you. I'm in the phase of a near teenager, a 10 year old getting a bit more hormonal, a 6 year old that throws temper tantrums as well as her 2 year old sister, and the 2 year old who thinks the world revolves around her. I am barely sane by the end of the day, yet I know it is the best thing I can do for them AND for me. I'm a much better, more patient and loving person now than I was 12 years ago. Thank goodness for kids that teach us a lot....and usually the hard way! Chin up, you are doing great!

  10. I’ve never been happier to know that I can only make babies, not deliver them.

    I'm speechless......


  11. Your kids are cute! Sometimes I feel like it is a dang good thing my kids are so cute! I am sure you feel the same. I know some days I just ask Bridger if I can go to work for him and he can stay home with the kids, his answer is always the same, not a chance.