Tuesday, September 8, 2009


I want to tell you about an experiment I heard about. In a room there were placed several monkeys. In the center of the room was a poll with bananas hanging from the top. When one of the monkeys would decide to climb the pole to retrieve a banana they would get drenched with freezing water. Squealing with surprise, the monkey would immediately leap from the pole without their precious prize. Each monkey in turn would attempt to get the bananas, but would come up empty handed. Soon one of the monkeys was replaced with a new monkey, who had not experienced this consequence. When the new monkey would attempt to climb the pole, all the other monkeys who were drenched at one time, would pull the monkey down. Each time the monkey would start to climb, the others would pull him down. After several times of this happening eventually the monkey gave up. Another monkey was then replaced, and the same thing would happen. Even the monkey who had never been drenched participated in pulling down the monkey who attempted to retrieve the bananas. Eventually all the monkeys were replaced by others who had never been drenched by the freezing water, but none could retrieve the bananas or so much as attempted to retrieve them after being pulled down, and none of them knew why.

Interesting isn't it? The same could be said about lobsters in a bucket. There is no need to place a lid on the top of a bucket when there is more then one lobster inside. Why? Because once one makes an attempt to escape the others will drag him down. Interesting...

Haters are the people that hope to see you fail. They want to see you mess up, and if they don't they will find a way to make you feel horrible. If that doesn't work, they may find others who agree with them and then gang up on you. If that doesn't work...Well you get the picture. They do this because they are insecure about their own choices and decide this way they can feel better about themselves. Why is it that when you try to make your life better, people hate you for it? For example you make the decision to watch what you eat, let's say you refuse dessert, or you don't go back for seconds, or whatever. Suddenly you become the center of attention. "Why aren't you having dessert," they say. Your response, "I'm just watching what I eat." It's pretty direct, no fluff, no muss, very simple. They reply, "OOOOHHHH! You look fine, one little piece won't hurt you. Look how good it is. I can't believe you won't even try it. I made this just for you." And on and on and on. Then others begin to chime in. "What are you on a diet, or something? Hey Jack, Lyenna's on a diet, can you believe that. She's 27 and she's worried about what's she's eating." "Lyenna's doing what?! You don't need to do that, besides it was for you. Mary made it from scratch, you would hurt her feelings if you didn't eat it." "Lyenna, why aren't you eating the dessert. You told me it was your favorite. You always eat this." So now you have a room of people staring at you. All the attention is on you. This is not something you asked for. In fact, your response was as discreet as you could possibly make it. You stare at the dessert that has been shoved in your face. You stare at all the eyes looking at you. And you quietly take the dessert. They all watch to make sure you take a bite, and then you do. You have been dragged down... You are then sad, and begin to question yourself. Why am I doing this again? It's just too hard. What's the point anyway? Interesting isn't it...we are not so far removed from animals.

I have made some very big decisions in my life. I have also made some very big changes. I continue to press forward, despite the set backs, and believe me, they have been coming in truck loads. Thank heavens for my support system. These are people who love me for me. Who see the real value in what I'm trying to accomplish. And do not slap judgements on me because of their own insecurities.

Yes people this is a rant! My heart, as tough as a I paint it to be, has been hurt. My story above is purely hypothetical. Though I have faced those very things, it is not what fuels my anger.
People can be cruel. I am not so foolish that I can't see the underhanded slaps, the kind of comments that are meant to come across as completely innocent, when in fact, their intent is read LOUD and clear.

I have dared to climb that pole, and no amount of cold water, or hands that reach for me will bring me down. And if by chance, I fall, I will climb again, and again, and again, and again!!!! To HELL with those who don't see the value in that. Because I will have the last laugh, when I receive my prize!

I am who I am! I love what I love! Why would anyone want to take that from me? I rejoice in the successes of others. I rejoice when someone dares to make a change. Because they dared!

ANGER...is a second emotion to what is happening inside. It is a response to being hurt, and sometimes it comes out before you even realize what the first emotion was. I am angry, but I cried first. I am fiesty, but I was hurt, FIRST. Guilt, sadness, pain, whatever, ALL OF IT came FIRST!!!

Anything worth while takes work, A LOT of it! I did not get where I am today because I sat on my ass and said a prayer. I worked for it, just as I will continue to do. I pay attention to what I use to fuel my body, and I feel better than I ever have. THAT is NOT a coincidence! And that is not made up to promote anything!!! I wouldn't want it if it came easy. I don't see the value in that. I want to look back at the time and the energy I put into a "project" and be proud of the time and the energy I put into it.

The people I love, and you know who are, love me. Not because I can give them something, not because I failed and now I can be accepted, but because they just love. Purely, innocently, and real. There is no other love I want. I am not perfect and I do not claim to be. And I see nothing wrong with being proud of what I have accomplished thus far. Because, guess what, I-AM-NOT-DONE!!!! So you can come with me, or you can stay where you are and wish you were there. Either way I choose to change the world one person at a time, STARTING with me.

I am a woman and I am pissed HEAR ME ROAR!!!...LOL


  1. Roooooaaaarrrr!!! I agree...it's weird how being super into fitness/eating healthy/etc. isn't always socially acceptable. I was actually at a family baptism last weekend, and they served rootbeer floats for the refreshment. If I'm going to have dessert, I want it to be something I absolutely HAVE to have! I said no at first, and several people kept asking me, so finally I just took the dang dessert so they'd stop asking me and looking at me weird! Can't I just say no to dessert and not have you assume that I think I'm fat, etc.? I've been there many times! I don't know what's happened to fuel your anger, but what you're doing is awesome. You've found your passion, so keep going with it.

  2. so glad for this post! i feel like i'm in that exact position everytime i leave the house! you hit the nail right on the head with the feelings and emotions too. thanks so much for your support. i've been working out more consistently and have gotten past my plateau. last week i think i worked out 5 days which has not been done for a while. i'm feeling happy, and i am not done either:) i still have alot of work to do, and i want you to know that i'm one of those people who love you and am in awe of what you have accomplished thus far!!!

  3. I think the anger thing is so genetic for us....but so very understandable too. Its funny because since losing my weight, people watch me. They watch what I eat, and they actually make comments about it. They aren't mean, thank goodness. There are some who haven't talked much to me since losing my weight. I could try to figure out what that is about but I truly don't care. The people that matter are the ones cheering for you. Im one of those cheering for you and saying "YOU GO GIRL!" And next time....don't give in and eat it if you don't want to. I have said no so many times, even when there are others trying to change my mind and I can tell you it is an amazing feeling to know that I am the one in control, NOT THEM.
    YOU ARE AWESOME!!! Keep up the great work...to heck with all the "monkeys and lobsters"

  4. I love you analogies. It is so true! Since I work at the gym and teach 6 classes a week...it's interesting to see how much I am in the spotlight when I am just there to do my own workout versus teaching the workout to a group. It's like my sweat is being measured by the gallons or something. Yeah! I totally agree...you are so passionate and such a good writer...keep it up!

  5. You are a pretty good writer too. I think you should write a book. I'd read it!
    Now I wanna know who put you down. Takes a lot of nerve! Seriously, who the hell do people think they are sometimes. You have put yourself out there in a way I wouldn't dare. I'm certainly not secure enough. Most of us are just that, insecure.
    You look awsome!!! You've worked hard for that and you deserve it!
    You deserve to feel good about yourself. Most women just dream about looking as amazing as you do.
    I've heard about crabs, but I've never heard about the monkey thing. I'm gonna use that one, if it's ok.
    Anyway, you rock Lenny!!